Six Dead, Six Full of Deliciousness

Reports have confirmed that six lobsters were killed in an early evening mass execution in a Cleveland suburb.

(Last known photo of the victims alive.)

All six crustaceans, who appear to be unrelated, had been kidnapped and held hostage. Cause of death was ruled superheated steam exposure.

The weapon was identified by the whimsical painting of the victims on the side of a pot.

The motive appears to have been tastiness. Succulent, juicy, tender, sweet tastiness.

Authorities are investigating six suspects, including a 3-year old boy, who is reported to have said, upon seeing the lobsters, prior to the killing, "EEEEWWWW! That looks gross!! ...(pause).... I want to eat it."

Photographs have surfaced of the alleged murderers (aka Foodgoat and Mr. Negative), who, shockingly, they show no regret about their actions, which ultimately included tearing lobsters bodies limb from limb, sending lobster juices flying all over, to get to the succulent, oh-so-delicious meat.