Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Seen recently online ....

... a 1960's ad for rice

You know what would be unexpected for Foodgoat? If I made dinner ever. At least a dinner that did not involve dumping something out a cardboard box into a bowl and pouring milk over it.

... Food-themed baby costumes

GoatSpawn, I promise never to dress you up as the main course. (I will also avoid the other 19 baby products great for traumatizing infants).

However, I make no promises regarding squid costumes.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Six Dead, Six Full of Deliciousness

Reports have confirmed that six lobsters were killed in an early evening mass execution in a Cleveland suburb.

(Last known photo of the victims alive.)

All six crustaceans, who appear to be unrelated, had been kidnapped and held hostage. Cause of death was ruled superheated steam exposure.

The weapon was identified by the whimsical painting of the victims on the side of a pot.

The motive appears to have been tastiness. Succulent, juicy, tender, sweet tastiness.

Authorities are investigating six suspects, including a 3-year old boy, who is reported to have said, upon seeing the lobsters, prior to the killing, "EEEEWWWW! That looks gross!! ...(pause).... I want to eat it."

Photographs have surfaced of the alleged murderers (aka Foodgoat and Mr. Negative), who, shockingly, they show no regret about their actions, which ultimately included tearing lobsters bodies limb from limb, sending lobster juices flying all over, to get to the succulent, oh-so-delicious meat.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

GoatSpawn Exposed

GoatSpawn here, checking in with the world.

When I'm not busy growing all the necessary parts for human life (which takes a lot more time than you would think), I'm already contemplating this food thing. So far, I only get to see the food after some processing by Ladygoat, but I've found when she eats, I have the energy to begin another round of trying to beat my way out of this place. Especially since she has continued to insist upon a daily cup of coffee. (My current digs are quite comfortable, except that every once in a while, this loud booming voice announces, "Spawn ... I am your ... Father." )

Indeed, Ladygoat has continued to eat a lot of things since I've been around. While some women get puritanical every little thing that passes into their system, Ladygoat has tried to forestall pregnancy paranoia. Fortunately, her doctor seems to follow the same philosophy, since, when asked about diet, he just shrugged and said, "Everything in moderation."

Among the foods I've already be exposed to:
  • Soft cheeses, including mozzarella, feta, bleu cheese, and brie: Puh-leeze, as if Ladygoat could go nine months without cheese. And the risk of food poisoning, specifically listeriosis? Ladygoat's never, ever gotten food poisoning from her cheese sources.
  • Deli meats: What would Foodgoat make for lunches without deli meats? The alleged problem is risk of food poisoning, listeriosis again. And like the cheese, Foodgoat's preferred deli meat sources have never steered him into food poisoning.
  • Liver: Ladygoat loves liver. And the fact that it's high in Vitamin A sounds like a good thing. Unless, maybe, you eat liver and have a vitamin A-packed supplement. But if you have a choice between the nutrient-rich food and the nutrient-rich pill, don't you always take the food? Especially if it comes with fried onions?
  • Bacon and hot dogs: They may be high in nitrates. But they're also very high in tastiness. And, the research is skimpy and inconclusive (nitrates in well water as a result of contamination is probably far more problematic than the occasional, but oh so delicious! slice of bacon). And Ladygoat must ... have ... bacon.
  • Fish: The whole mercury thing has made fish a complicated ingredient to monitor. Just keeping track of all the different types of fish and the various suggested frequencies made Ladygoat's brain hurt. She resorted to the general philosophy that some fish was better than no fish.
  • Uncooked foods like sushi: Ladygoat specifically asked her doctor about sushi, who assured her that as long as it was prepared properly, sushi was fine. They had a long discussion about the merits of particular sushi restaurants, and Ladygoat's favorite was deemed safe. So sushi she did. Very happily.
  • Alcohol: While it's pretty clear that more than 3 - 4 drinks daily during pregnancy isn't such a great idea, what risks (if any) light to moderate drinking have are much fuzzier. There may even be benefits (which makes sense, since pregnant women have had wine in Europe for time immemorial, which has not seemed to cause a collapse in civilization). Ladygoat's doctor said she could have the occasional glass of wine with dinner, so she has had the occasional sips of wine and beer. Foodgoat has responded by drinking twice as much.
Well, I see that it's getting late, so I will now wait 'til things quiet down around here, so as to begin yet again to try to kick my way out. I'll bust out of here eventually!

Monday, July 7, 2008

A New Blogger

Hello readers ... there's a new blogger in town!

Well, maybe not quite in town just yet. But I thought I'd jump on this blogging thing, so as to build up the buzz for the big debut in a few months.

Guess where I'm staying until then?

One of these is the GoatSpawn belly, and one is the beer belly!

So far, I haven't made many food demands. Well, except for that one part in the beginning when saltines were the only thing that tasted really good. But other than that, I have sent no food craving signals to the surface.

Just you wait, though, Foodgoat ... one night soon, Ladygoat may suddenly "suggest" that you go get her a bucket of KFC chicken. With some lemon ice.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008


Hello fellow beer readers,

Rarely do I get a chance to post some breaking food news, and today I have a doozy. My favorite beer company"Great Lakes" just released a new limited version- the Imperial Dortmunder and must share with you all how incredibly good it is.

A little background: and little ritual of mine is to head to the local beer store "Beverage Warehouse" and pick up something I never tried before. Normally I gravitate to the beer from England because I have found many excellent beers from GB. But this past year my beer of choice is a local brewery "Great Lakes" and I love their Dortmunder Gold- absolutely love it!

Now today, Great lakes released the Imperial Dortmunder---- I actually am the first person in my area to try it, so I feel the need to relay the experience...... It's good.... oh yeah it's good.

As you can see the color and body is quite simular to the Dort Gold (ignore the foaming head on the gold Ladygoat poured that one). Other than looking similar the taste is quite different. The Imperial is a PERFECT beer. I know that sounds crazy, but trust me readers it's perfect. Its dry hoppy and a touch of sweetness. It's so good even Ladygoat can tell how heavenly wonderful this beer is. [please forgive my crude writing style compare to Ladygoat- she is a much better writer than I- and I am feeling the effects of drinking two beers in one sitting :)]

So if you live in the Cleveland area- pick up the Imperial Dort ASAP. It is ........ Wonderful. If you never tried a Great Lakes and you love beer: head to your specially shop and try out the Dort. It gets the Foodgoat highest praise..... It's sooooooo goooooooooood.