Wednesday, February 28, 2007

An Unintended Commercial

Foodgoat and I saw a news segment on the Center for Science in the Public Interest's recent push to get nutritional information into restaurant menus as they are on food packages, charging that "many restaurants are transmogrifying these foods into ever-more harmful new creations."
They may want to reconsider their approach, though, because they trotted out Pizzeria Uno's (now inexplicably rebranded as Uno Chicago Grill’s) Pizza Skins as one of the disgustingly calorie-laden, fat-filled restaurant dishes that supposedly would send diners screaming in horror to their yoga instructors if they only knew it packed 2,050 calories.

Foodgoat and I, however, instead squealed with delight, woefully lamenting the absence of Pizzeria Uno in Cleveland, and reminiscing about the tastiness that was the deep dish crust, with mozzarella and red mashed potatoes, topped off with bacon, Cheddar and sour cream. Somehow I don't think that was the reaction they were aiming for.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The Truly Glamourous Eat Burgers

I haven't seen The Queen yet, but I already know Helen Mirren is awesome, because apparently after winning her Best Actress Oscar, she went on a In-N-Out run, gorgeous Christian Lacroix gown and all. Now that is cool.

Leftovers from the fancy Wolfgang Puck's dinner, including spiny Shanghai lobster, Oscar-shaped smoked salmon with caviar, sushi, and gold-dusted chocolate Oscars, plus other delectables made with $70,000 of imported truffles, ended up at the local homeless shelter.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Cheese Most Foul

Take a look at this cheese to the left. Take a good look. Remember it. Burn it into your memory. And if, one day, you should actually see this cheese from afar, RUN.

It's Morbier cheese, a semi-soft cows' milk cheese, and for this you can thank, or perhaps more appropriately, curse, the French. Because it stinks. And not just in a "my, rather pungent, isn't it?" stink, but in a "for the love of God, what foul, putrid creature from the depths of Hell has crawled onto my cheese tray???" stink. It smells like parts of the body that would cause cause children's books to be banned when mentioned therein. It's bad enough within whiffing distance, but it is disturbingly worse when handled by human hands. Only repeated washings with strong chemical soap could remove the stench from Foodgoat's hands.

The Cheese Lady said that if you could get past the smell, the taste would be lovely. The taste was not, and frankly, the taste would have to be pretty damn ambrosial in order to make the smell worth it.

Just to show you how bad it was, not even Sienna would try it. When the dog even the dog won't eat it, I'm not sure it can still qualify as cheese.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Wait ... So It's Shaped Like That on Purpose?

While at Crate & Barrel to replace a cracked French press, Foodgoat came upon these stemless champagne flutes. Sure, it would have made sense to put them on our wedding registry, but at $1.95 each, why wait?

So today, in order to celebrate Britney's long overdue return to rehab, we broke them in with a bottle of J sparkling wine. And either this bottle of J was different from other batches, or the flute glass actually makes a difference. For one thing, long before the first sip, I noticed that it had a distinct smell. A fruity, flavorful smell. I don't remember noticing the smell when I was drinking sparkling wine out of a coffee mug.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Here's Some Links for Yah, Brothah

How much did I like last night's Lost episode? Enough to put up a picture of Desmond wearing a really long tie, brothah, and to note that McCutcheon scotch whiskey doesn't seem to be a real brand. Pity, that.

I forwarded the link to Anthony Bourdain's Food Network rant last week to Foodgoat, but Foodgoat was surprisingly indifferent. "Didn't you like it?" I asked. "Yeah, but that blogger was trying to sound too much like Anthony Bourdain, "he dismissed. "That was Anthony Bourdain!" "Well, that explains it."

The Food Section points us to instructions provided by the Burger King in Germany on how to build a throne made of your fries and ketchup. Didn't I see this on Modern Marvels? I should have.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Hot Cocoa Weather

In all my long years in Cleveland, this is my very first official snow day. Can't go to work! Too much snow! There is so much snow that Sienna the Dog got stuck in a snow drift when she ran out into the backyard, and Foodgoat had to fish her out.

Fortunately, we have a canister of Ghirardelli Sweet Ground Chocolate and whole milk. Ordinarily, whole milk is disgusting. But I make an exception for when there is a blizzard outside.

Friday, February 9, 2007

Foodgoat Suffers

The vending machine at Foodgoat's workplace has been broken - the Funyuns are there, but the machine isn't giving them up.

Instead he is reduced to getting the Baked Lays, which, let's face it, are total crap, as well as only containing about 3 chips. Funyons are mostly air too, but at least the air is inside the Funyon.

Do You Think I'm Some Kind of Vegan Dog?

Sienna the Dog has been put on a diet - the vet has deemed that with her arthritis, she ought to be slightly underweight instead of slightly overweight.

The vet told me to give her green beans as a treat. Dogs just love them, she declared, they think it's the best stuff in the world.

So I gave Sienna a few of the canned green beans in her bowl. She looked at them. She looked at us. She looked at them. She sniffed. She looked back at us. She left. And she didn't touch them, not even late at night when she gets hungry and eats anything that's left in her bowl plus any tissues she can dig out of the trash.

I can't say I blame her. I wouldn't eat canned green beans either.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Give Her 20 cc's of Pickle Juice, STAT!

I don't know what it is about sandwich places around here, but they persist in giving me a giant slice of dill pickle with every sandwich. Which means that Foodgoat generally gets two giant slices of dill pickle, because the cold + wet + sour combination is not something I'm down with.

Fortunately, my mom loves them, because she has been eating one dill pickle every day. For years she has had these random, painful leg cramps at night. When a co-worker recently suggested that eating dill pickles would help, she decided to give it a try.

To her surprise, she hasn't had a single leg cramp since introducing pickles to her daily lunch.

How does it work? Is it the acetic acid? Potassium? Magnesium? I don't know, but there is even a product out there called Pickle Juice Sport, endorsed by a Dallas Cowboy tight end, which is supposed to stop and prevent muscle cramps.
My advice is that they need to work on that name.

Friday, February 2, 2007

Looking Stupid In Front of All the Vendors

Where did Foodgoat & Ladygoat get their engagement pictures taken?

Why, the West Side Market, of course.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Best Birthday Cake Ever

Last week, on Foodgoat's birthday, he was summoned to his grandmother's house to personally pick up a mysterious birthday present. An odd request, considering they knew they would see each other later that day at their joint birthday lunch.

What could it be?
Why, it was only the best birthday cake ever! Foodgoat's grandmama made him his very favorite dessert - a luscious rum torte with chestnut filling, topped with fresh whipped cream. A whole torte, just for him. He has had a yummy slice every night since.

Foodgoat was so happy that his birthday present to her was to finally get his hair cut.