GoatSpawn is Here!

After a long, long wait, I, GoatSpawn, have finally arrived!

I'm a tiny little girl and just 10 days old today, but my proud parents, Foodgoat and Ladygoat, think I absolutely overflow with cuteness. And they're getting even more infatuated with each passing day.

Me, I have been excited to be introduced to this whole "eating" thing. Previous to my official arrival, I used an automatic nutrient supply system, but now I use this fascinating two-tap system. I have found that if it magically makes itself available if I furiously twist my head from side to side with my mouth wide open. Alternatively, a high pitched wail suffused with epic suffering also seems to work.

Unfortunately for the rest of the Goats, the three-a-day meal schedule just isn't doing it for me. I have a tiny stomach and it can't hold much, so in that long stretch of nighttime when they like to sleep soundly and contentedly, I like to have a couple of meals. Maybe a snack or two. It's around these times when it really helps that I'm adorable.

GoatSpawn Blogs Again

Nine weeks to go, and the big question is: am I a boy or a girl? Nobody knows!

Some people thought it was a good idea to keep my gender a surprise, and some people seem to be annoyed and frustrated by the suspense. Some have strong convictions of one side or the other, but an informal poll is pretty evenly split.

Did diet have anything to do with this? According to old wives tales, women who eat more meat and salty foods get a boy, while those who eat more sweets and desserts get a girl. New research also suggests that a higher calorie intake around the time of conception, with its higher quantity and wider range of nutrients, is linked to boys. There was also a strong correlation between women eating breakfast cereals and sons.

So what was Ladygoat eating around January?

In other news, to pass the time, I've been trolling the web. Here's some stuff I found:

from I Can Haz A Cheezburger, courtesy of my soon to be uncle PJ ...




and an alarm clock that wakes you up with the smell of bacon ... by actually cooking a piece of bacon by two halogen lamps. Delicious!

Seen recently online ....

... a 1960's ad for rice

You know what would be unexpected for Foodgoat? If I made dinner ever. At least a dinner that did not involve dumping something out a cardboard box into a bowl and pouring milk over it.

... Food-themed baby costumes

GoatSpawn, I promise never to dress you up as the main course. (I will also avoid the other 19 baby products great for traumatizing infants).



However, I make no promises regarding squid costumes.

Six Dead, Six Full of Deliciousness

Reports have confirmed that six lobsters were killed in an early evening mass execution in a Cleveland suburb.

(Last known photo of the victims alive.)

All six crustaceans, who appear to be unrelated, had been kidnapped and held hostage. Cause of death was ruled superheated steam exposure.

The weapon was identified by the whimsical painting of the victims on the side of a pot.

The motive appears to have been tastiness. Succulent, juicy, tender, sweet tastiness.

Authorities are investigating six suspects, including a 3-year old boy, who is reported to have said, upon seeing the lobsters, prior to the killing, "EEEEWWWW! That looks gross!! ...(pause).... I want to eat it."

Photographs have surfaced of the alleged murderers (aka Foodgoat and Mr. Negative), who, shockingly, they show no regret about their actions, which ultimately included tearing lobsters bodies limb from limb, sending lobster juices flying all over, to get to the succulent, oh-so-delicious meat.

GoatSpawn Exposed

GoatSpawn here, checking in with the world.

When I'm not busy growing all the necessary parts for human life (which takes a lot more time than you would think), I'm already contemplating this food thing. So far, I only get to see the food after some processing by Ladygoat, but I've found when she eats, I have the energy to begin another round of trying to beat my way out of this place. Especially since she has continued to insist upon a daily cup of coffee. (My current digs are quite comfortable, except that every once in a while, this loud booming voice announces, "Spawn ... I am your ... Father." )

Indeed, Ladygoat has continued to eat a lot of things since I've been around. While some women get puritanical every little thing that passes into their system, Ladygoat has tried to forestall pregnancy paranoia. Fortunately, her doctor seems to follow the same philosophy, since, when asked about diet, he just shrugged and said, "Everything in moderation."

Among the foods I've already be exposed to:

• Soft cheeses, including mozzarella, feta, bleu cheese, and brie: Puh-leeze, as if Ladygoat could go nine months without cheese. And the risk of food poisoning, specifically listeriosis? Ladygoat's never, ever gotten food poisoning from her cheese sources.
• Deli meats: What would Foodgoat make for lunches without deli meats? The alleged problem is risk of food poisoning, listeriosis again. And like the cheese, Foodgoat's preferred deli meat sources have never steered him into food poisoning.
  
• Liver: Ladygoat loves liver. And the fact that it's high in Vitamin A sounds like a good thing. Unless, maybe, you eat liver and have a vitamin A-packed supplement. But if you have a choice between the nutrient-rich food and the nutrient-rich pill, don't you always take the food? Especially if it comes with fried onions?
  
• Bacon and hot dogs: They may be high in nitrates. But they're also very high in tastiness. And, the research is skimpy and inconclusive (nitrates in well water as a result of contamination is probably far more problematic than the occasional, but oh so delicious! slice of bacon). And Ladygoat must ... have ... bacon.
  
• Fish: The whole mercury thing has made fish a complicated ingredient to monitor. Just keeping track of all the different types of fish and the various suggested frequencies made Ladygoat's brain hurt. She resorted to the general philosophy that some fish was better than no fish.
  
• Uncooked foods like sushi: Ladygoat specifically asked her doctor about sushi, who assured her that as long as it was prepared properly, sushi was fine. They had a long discussion about the merits of particular sushi restaurants, and Ladygoat's favorite was deemed safe. So sushi she did. Very happily.
  
• Alcohol: While it's pretty clear that more than 3 - 4 drinks daily during pregnancy isn't such a great idea, what risks (if any) light to moderate drinking have are much fuzzier. There may even be benefits (which makes sense, since pregnant women have had wine in Europe for time immemorial, which has not seemed to cause a collapse in civilization). Ladygoat's doctor said she could have the occasional glass of wine with dinner, so she has had the occasional sips of wine and beer. Foodgoat has responded by drinking twice as much.
  

Well, I see that it's getting late, so I will now wait 'til things quiet down around here, so as to begin yet again to try to kick my way out. I'll bust out of here eventually!