I have been married to Foodgoat for two years, together for over twelve years.
And yet sometimes I feel like I don't understand him at all.
For one thing, he thinks that a meeting originally planned for Wednesday but has been moved forward two days, is now changed to Monday, while I think it's now on Friday.*
But that has nothing to do with food.
A couple weeks ago I brought home ice cream. Ciao Bella Gelato in Malted Milk Ball. Malted Milk Ball pieces in rich malted cream.
Sounds good, doesn't it? Sounds tasty, yes? Can't wait to try it, can you?
And yet, weeks later, that ice cream is still there, in the freezer, UNTOUCHED.
He has not mentioned it, not brought it out, not suggested, "Hey, let's try that new ice cream!"
Does he not know about it?
Impossible! I told him about it! He saw me put it in! It's sitting RIGHT ON TOP, where you can see it every time you open the freezer.
Does he not see it?
Impossible! It's ice cream, not a guy in a gorilla suit! One always notices ice cream!
Did he forget about it?
Impossible! Who, in the heat of the Midwest summer, "forgets" that they have ice cream in the freezer?
Could he possibly be uninterested in the ice cream?
Impossible! He likes ice cream! He likes malt! WHO DOESN'T?
So now I'm thinking he's playing some kind of sick ice cream mind game with me. A test of wills about who will cave into the ice cream first. Who will demonstrate their iron will against smooth and creamy hand-crafted gelato first? Who can resist the call of malt candy and ice cream together in a delicious dessert more?
I can hold out as long as you can, Foodgoat! I'm not going to taste that ice cream until you do first, no matter how delicious it sounds, no matter how hot it gets, how tempting Malted Milk Ball gelato is to me!
Or will he drive me slowly crazy by pretending there's no ice cream here, that I've only imagined it, like an ice cream-themed Gaslight?